Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
