hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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