hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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