I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
