I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
