Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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