I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
