Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
