They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize