so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
