Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
