You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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