Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
