People with herpes should wear stickers.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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