"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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