If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
