Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
