This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
