Who wears a wallet chain?!
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
