you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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