And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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