He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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