There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
