i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
