You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
