dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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