In the future we'll all be gay
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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