Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
he was CRYING into my vagina
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize