I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
