I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize