Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
