I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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