after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize