So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
