She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
