A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
