My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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