Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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