How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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