Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
