her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
This is the high leading the old right now
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
