Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
This is the high leading the old right now
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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