i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize