It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
