Porn is love you can see.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
