it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
