Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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