12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize