so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
