i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
