I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
