Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
