So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
