Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
