I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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