he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
