Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
