Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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