that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize