Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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