If that was your dad, he is hot
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
