I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
