hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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