your parents love me but you hate me
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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