did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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