Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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