How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
