i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
where are you?
Hypothermia
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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