that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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