my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
