I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
