Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
