Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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