I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I can't put those talents on a resume
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
