my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
