I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
