I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
