I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she peed on how many people?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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