At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
