I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
