When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
