I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
