You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
