So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
