My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
