R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
