I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
