Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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