I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
no you cant smoke seaweed
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
