He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
