hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
