I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
