I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
