PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
