i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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